What is swimming in your river?

Finding your way to peace is difficult sometimes. I have found it difficult too.

Start small.  Small steps lead to Big changes.

Lets explore a simple exercise called ‘What is swimming in your river?’

In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) we look at your Core Belief Framework – there are 4 key levels and I have added a 5th called New Direction;

  1. Core Beliefs are often learned in childhood and can be positive or negative.
  2. Assumptions are the rules you make based around your core beliefs and how others perceive you or how you perceive yourself.
  3. Strategies are defensive styles, patterns or behaviours
  4. Automatic Thoughts these come into your mind influenced by your core beliefs, assumptions and strategies.
  5. New Direction – Challenging the faulty thinking that comes from our Core belief.

To explain the power of your Core Belief Framework I want you to picture a river.

  • Automatic Thoughts are like the fish in the river. Schools of fish are a sign of overwhelm.
  • Strategies are the current of the river. Fast or slow.
  • Assumptions are the river itself. Winding its way across the landscape of who you are at your core.
  • Core beliefs are the groundwater. Is it clear or muddied by life.
  • New Direction – Changing the course of the river.

Can you picture the river?

So what is swimming in your river?

What are your Automatic Thoughts? e.g People don’t really like me.

What is your Strategy? e.g I will be a people pleaser so they won’t reject me.

What is your Assumption? e.g The world is unsafe, I can’t trust anyone.

What is your Core Belief? e.g I am unlikeable/unloveable

What is the New Direction of your river? e.g Not everybody will like me and I am ok with that. I will surround myself with those who value, respect, support and empower me.

Can you see how your Core Beliefs both negative and positive can have an impact upon your river? Ask yourself;

Is your river flowing in the right direction? Are your thinking and behaviour patterns impacting upon your day to day negatively?

Is it flowing too fast or do you need to slow it down?

How many fish are in your river? Are they darting about with no real direction? Are there too many fish in your river? Are you feeling overwhelmed?

Is your river clear or do you need to clear your thinking?

What is your New Direction/Core Belief Correction going to be?

We must observe, challenge and adapt our Core Beliefs and their impact. By checking and changing our negative focused Core Beliefs we can change the course of how our thinking and behaviour flows from our Core Belief Framework.

© evie angel 2019

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed.
*Please ask for authors permission if you wish to copy, reproduce or quote any content – thank you
Recommended Reading Material – Peaceful Mind by John R McQuaid. PHD and Paula E. Carmona RN. MSN New Harbinger Publications Inc. 2004

 

waterfalls

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I am so much more than my past

PicsArt_03-31-01.30.26I talk about my past a lot to spread awareness of domestic abuse. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to speak up and inform and hopefully inspire but I am also wanting people to know that I so much more than my past.

The statement “I am so much more than my past” is powerful and empowering. It stops me from viewing my life completely from a victim/survivor mindset. It encourages me to explore myself and what I am capable of beyond the confines of my past.

“I am so much more than my past” gives rise to the question of who am I now? and that is what I shall be working on to further the evolution of evie.

© evie angel 2018

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed.
*Please ask authors permission if you wish to reproduce or quote any content – thank you

 

 

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The wallpaper mindset

The wallpaper mindset – CBT in action journal prompt

Ever notice the pattern of wallpaper repeating and repeating again and again.
The pattern of my life was just like that.
Negative mood, negative behaviour, negative life choice and repeat.
I was stuck with the same wallpaper mindset and the same negative outcome.
A change was needed. That wallpaper had to go.
We are really not as complex as we think we are. What we think affects our mood, our behaviour and our lifestyle choices.
It’s not healthy for us to get stuck in the same repetitive negative pattern in mood, behaviour or life choice.

Check for patterns (there can be positive, good and healthy patterns too!)
Keep a journal over a few weeks, monitoring mood, noting any behaviours and life style choices.
Can you notice any patterns?
Are they positive or negative?
Are they healthy or unhealthy?
Are they constructive or destructive?
Are you repeating them or learning from them?
Look at how you can change the patterns in your mood, behaviour or life choices if needed.
Just like redecorating your home you need to check and change your wallpaper mindset regularly.
– ©evieangel2018
#cbtinaction #cognitivebehaviouraltherapy #wallpapermindset #evieangel#innerblissislikeakiss #survivor #victimscanbecomevictors #survivorscanthrive #notbrokenjustwiser #ptsd #anxiety #depression #domesticabuserecovery #domesticabuseawareness #domesticabusesurvivor #inspiration #inspirationalquotes #ReclaimYourPower #proudsurvivor #evolutionofevie

© evie angel 2018

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed.
*Please ask for authors permission if you wish to copy, reproduce or quote any content – thank you

PicsArt_03-24-09.37.00

Posted in CBT, challenge, cognitivebehaviouraltherapy, domestic abuse, empowerment, positivity, ptsd, recovery, resilience, self care, self help, selfhelptips, stress management, surviving domestic abuse, Uncategorized, well-being, wisdom | Leave a comment

Hey Queen #iwd2017

👑 Hey Queen 👑
It’s International Women’s Day and I want to remind you of something. You are part of a worldwide sisterhood, the feminine divine. Your DNA is infused with centuries of your female ancestry and wisdom. Your lineage is full of trailblazing women just like you.
You are a modern Suffragette
You are a Goddess
You are a Warrior Woman
You are a Queen – evie angel x

©evieangel 2017

#internationalwomensday #modernsuffragette #goddess #femininedivine #warriorwoman #HeyQueen #queen #sisterhood #evieangel #innerblissislikeakiss #evolutionofevie #iwd20171488923987960

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well-being is? – Be Self Care Aware pt1

Well-being is?
Well-being is the overall self care of our bodies, our minds and also our spiritual self too.
So self care is physical, psychological and spiritual.
WELL-BEING
W – well-being is taking self responsibility for our physical, psychological and spiritual health with support from others like doctors/therapists when needed
E – exercise is great for the mind, body and soul. Start off easy don’t expect to run a marathon straight away – exercise safely
L – love yourself – be extra kind to you – we so often care for others but neglect ourselves – show yourself the same care, respect and love you give to others and be your own best friend not your own worst enemy.
L – lazy – give yourself permission to rest and relax often, we can get so busy we forget that our bodies and minds need regular rest – so have that lie in, take a day off work, split those chores, have a long soak in the bubble bath – it’s not selfish it is self care and self love.
B – beauty is not the media or magazine ideal – beauty is all colours, all shapes, all genders and all sizes so see your beauty and let it shine. Remember, You are your own version of beautiful.
E – energy – what energy are you choosing to be around? what kind of energy are you giving off? – toxic/negative energies can affect your well-being so be mindful of this.
I – I matter, I am a priority too, I am taking care of me, I am self care in action, I am my own version of beautiful – I statements are powerful affirmations and also remind you that your feelings, health and well-being matter too – write your own and stick it on a post it note on your mirror or write it on a piece of card that fits in your purse or wallet.
N – no – a small word which holds such power – don’t be a people pleasing Yes person – say no if you really can’t babysit because you have your own plans, say no to overwhelming yourself with commitments or work – you always have a choice don’t feel obliged, be realistic and ask yourself should I say no?. You can get taken advantage of so easily if you are always the Yes person so be aware of this.
G – growing older – it happens to us all – the way we treat our bodies today affects us tomorrow so practice self care daily to support your health for the future. Our minds age too so do crosswords, word searches, read, do mindful colouring etc – keep your mind active.

We are all different so find your own ways to practice self care daily – so what are you going to do today to show yourself some daily self care?

© evie angel 2017

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed.

 

 

beselfcareaware

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Challenge yourself in 2017

challengequote

It is a new year. what lies before us is a brand new year of adventure, experience and challenge. Are you ready for 2017?

I am.

Bring it!

Like every other year, life will unveil its mystery one day at a time and so I shall take on the challenge of facing up to lifes ups and downs one day at a time.

I shall embrace its challenges, circumnavigate its territory even the mountains and valleys and see beauty in its blue and grey skies and grow wiser from the experiences life reveals to me.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF

C – Create opportunities to live, laugh and love

H – Heal your past by living your now

A – Approach each new day as if a blank page

L – Learn something new

L – Love with all your heart

E – Embrace change and challenge

N – Never Give Up!

G – Grab life and truly live it

E – Enjoy yourself

Y – YOU matter, your feelings matter

O – Open up to experiences

U – Understand what makes you – YOU

R – Recognise your strengths and weaknesses and work with them

S – Seek support when needed

E – Everybody is walking a journey – show compassion for yourself and others

L – Let LOVE be your guide, not bitterness or hate

F – Feel Life, touch it, smell it, taste it, hear it and truly see it – because Life is Beautiful

© evie angel 2017

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed.
Posted in CBT, challenge, cognitivebehaviouraltherapy, domestic abuse, empowerment, positivity, ptsd, recovery, resilience, self help, selfhelptips, stress management, surviving domestic abuse, wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

and yet we still breathe…

That feeling when the air seems thick and chokes us – and yet we still breathe.
That memory that catches us unaware and stings us – and yet we still remember.
That tear that gently falls upon our cheek – and yet we still smile.
That touch that brings a shudder and you flinch automatically – and yet we still hug.
That smell that sickens us to the stomach – and yet we still choose to smell the flowers.
That moment when we remember we are safe in the here and now – and we sigh with relief.
 
© evie angel 2016
#PTSD #domesticabuserecovery 
and-yet-we-still-breathe
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Who do you miss at your Christmas table?

whodoyoumisschristmas

I wish we could sit once more around the Christmas table.
Just to talk.
To laugh.
To sing.
All together
one more time.

Our day began with Stockings made from tights filled with tangerines and small gifts. Usually I woke up first excited but we all had to have breakfast before we entered the front room . We queued at the door and entered after Mum. Presents placed in named piles under the tree. Excited we tore into the wrappings revealing the gifts so lovingly given.

Watching the Top of the Pops Christmas Special before the Queens speech as dinner is prepared, as we sat among the wrapping paper mess and toys needing batteries as we passed around the selection boxes and Quality Street.

Sharing our hopes and dreams for the coming year as we pull crackers and put on our flimsy paper party hats and tell a joke or two.

Coming together as a family.

Forgetting the arguments, the disagreements and all the upset for just one day. The only division being who likes sprouts?

Celebrating as we hunted the sixpence hidden in the Christmas pudding. Eating mince pies and Terry’s chocolate orange until we were fit to burst.

I may look at my early family Christmas Day and Boxing Day through fairy light tinted glasses but to me it was the one day we came together and it felt safe, loving and traditional.

It is not presents that make Christmas so special, it is our presence and I miss you all more than ever on Christmas day.

Who do you miss at your Christmas table?

– © evie angel 2016

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed. 
Posted in CBT, cognitivebehaviouraltherapy, domestic abuse, empowerment, positivity, recovery, resilience, self help, selfhelptips, stress management, surviving domestic abuse, Uncategorized, wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ways to WISDOM

owlwithquote-1

 

Confuscius said

“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.”

– Confucius

…the truth is wisdom is earned, usually the hard way.

Reflection – we can get on the hamster wheel and turn and turn over our past finding every lesson within our history. Reflection can be harder than we need it to be or we can make it easier on our peace of mind by being kind to ourselves. Reflection needs to be honest – that’s why it is noble and that can be difficult. It also needs to be done like climbing stairs, one at a time or by seeking patterns in our past, which soon we see as patterns in our own thinking and behaviours. Climb the stairs but don’t fall back down them.

Imitation – we can connect with people who have positive traits we admire. They are reflectors of our own potential to become. It is easier to ‘act as if’ until it becomes part of who we are. We all need role models and we can in turn be a role model.

Experience – Experiential learning is the active process of learning through experience, it is not a passive action.

David A Kolb (Social Psychologist) described this type of learning as

“Experiential learning is the process of learning through experience. Knowledge results from the combination of grasping experience and transforming it.”

– David A. Kolb

How we do this is by using 4 key learning stages.

1. Concrete Experience – a new experience or situation is faced, or an existing experience faced again.

2. Reflective Observation  – how we reflect and observe upon the experience and our understanding of it.

3. Abstract Conceptualization – through reflection and understanding of the experience we modify our learning and key understanding of it accordingly.

4. Active Experimentation – we test out our new learning and understanding and hopefully grow in wisdom.

Each of the 4 stages must be completed for active experiential learning to happen, when we miss a stage out we can get stuck, repeat bad experiences and not learn what WISDOM we need to move forward.

Life is a school and we are always being tested. It is up to us how hard we study.

© evie angel 2016

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed. 

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Don’t Regret – Regrow

dontregretregrow

You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward” – Aubrey O’Day

The line in the Frank Sinatra song My Way
Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
isn’t exactly true for me because I have lots to regret. But for years I mulled over and over the bad choices I made and in doing so I didn’t see the lesson or the hidden blessing.

Regret robbed me of my peace of mind for so many years.
Regret held my mind hostage and I couldn’t move forward.
Regret kept me stuck and feeling overwhelmed.
Regret caused me guilt, shame on top of depression.
It didn’t help me nor heal me – it held me.

We all make mistakes, bad choices, decisions that we regret in retrospect, but learn from them don’t relive them or repeat them.

Infact

Don’t Regret – Regrow

R – Recognise the bad choice, take responsibility for it.
E – Empower yourself not to make the same mistakes and bad decisions over and over again.
G – Go forward with the lesson learned
R – Reach out for support if needed to do this
O – Open up to the lesson – End the constant playbacks and self chastising – beating yourself up for mistakes made doesn’t change what you did but it prevents you from evaluating and learning from it.
W – Wise up – Trust in yourself – carry forward all the wisdom learned from every experience, every choice but do not dwell.

Do not brood over your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and depression. Do not repeat them in the future” – Swami Sivananda

Don’t let your mistakes break you, instead let them make you – evie angel : ) 

I hope this blog post will be helpful to you

Keep shining

evie x
 
Disclaimer
All content provided on this “evolutionofevie” blog is for informational purposes only. The owner of this blog advises that appropriate medical or psychological support be sought as and when needed. 

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#evieangel #innerblissislikeakiss #WUVIP

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